The most important things I have to say

I would like for you to watch this very short, very important 5 minute video.

Kill Them With Love


"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." 

I'm tired of referring to myself as heartless. Cold. Empty.

I'm tired.

Of the hatefulness that encompasses so many people.

Of this greedy, self-centered, narrow minded race we are breeding and feeding.

Of people that are so focused on finding a reason for being, instead of just being.

Of worrying about the next big thing, instead of remembering what already works.

Why do we complain, time and time again, instead of searching for the light in a situation?

Why must we convince others to accept us, why can't we just accept that we are NOT alike?

Why can't we accept one another for who we are, instead of trying to change them?

Time and time again I've learned that the one thing I've wanted most, do not bring happiness when it arrives.

What happened to being genuine?

To laughing every moment, laughing so hard it hurt. 

When did we become so serious? When did we become so sad?

Why did feeling become a weakness?

Coming from a person that was once extremely selfish and egocentric, I am tired of not feeling.

I want.

To focus on making a change. Not for the world, but for someone.

To be surrounded by overwhelming love and feeling.

To experience more of the "little things," myself.

To see small things that bring happiness.

Find a STRANGER and make a FRIEND.

To cry when I'm feeling sad.

Shake out the stress you carry on your shoulders. Let it flow from your body.

Like raking all the leaves into a big pile and jumping into them. Laying there, staring at the sky. Do you remember how they smelt? The sound they made as they crunched beneath you?

The way it felt to climb a tree and sit on the highest branch. The serenity of the wind in my face.

The look of the woman's who spilt the insides of her purse in the parking lot, and the five people that stopped in their tracks to help her restore it.

Allowing yourself to embrace someone in a hug. And fell the warmth of it.

When it was absolutely rude to walk by someone without greeting them.

To admit when you are wrong, and see things through others perspectives.

Remember when striving to make a change in someones life was priority.

Remember that the smallest bits of happiness are often those that go unacknowledged.

That YOU are responsible for the difference you can make in someone else's life.

Witness the moments that bring a smile across a strangers lips, and bask in them.

YOU can be the one shining star in the darkest night of someone's life, or you can be the reason they have no light.

You will find happiness in other peoples happiness.

Let go of your hate, of your sadness, of your stress. Just be here. Just be happy.

Here are some articles and links that I have viewed recently that don't relate to each other, but have struck thought on how I treat those around me.

TedTalk- Lollipop moments

26 Moments that made me smile

TedTalk- Stop thinking

He had brain cancer

Why bring a child into THIS world?

Cheers to changing lives, one smile at a time.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

How big is yours?

Can we talk about how uber sexy all of the Worlds of Fun security guards are? Seriously, every freaking one of them. What, did part of the application process say "must have Hollister modeling experience."? Jeez. I didn't know who to stare at, the dreamy rent-a-cops or the Halloween characters. Didn't you know it's Halloweekends right now? 7 Haunted houses and all the awesome roller coasters mixed with so much faux fog that you can't see the person in front of you= a super spooky all around fantastic time. But you have to get the Fright Lane pass so you can bypass the three hour long lines. I'm not kidding. My favorite one is the Lure of the Vampire, obvious reasons. I'm obsessed with vampires. I won't go there. Moving on.

Yeah that's a dinosaur. They have a new exhibit full of ginormous prehistoric creatures. It's epic. 

Anyways. 

I bought a four-foot long piece of white fabric for a costume idea and I totally backfired. So now I have this big ass piece of cloth and no idea what the hell I'm gonna do with it and I can't return it. Sigh. I'm gonna have to be all creative and do something cool with it. Double sigh! This kind of brings me to what I'm gonna rant about today. 

Perspective. How big is yours? Before I started nursing, I can admit I lived in a very small box of perspective. I had a hard time seeing the bigger picture or life through someone else's eyes. I still to this day don't have much of a filter over this big mouth of mine, so I often forget how my words my effect others. But now, I realize that yeah, sticks and stones will likely break your bones, and the idiot that said words will never hurt him is definitely just that; an idiot. Words can kill, man.

Like the employee at K-Mart that you just yelled at for the past 15 minutes because she said your coupon was expired. Well maybe her kitten died two days ago and she still hasn't gotten over it. Now she's crying because your an asshole and Gracie won't be there to go home and cuddle with tonight. So she opts out for a gallon of ice cream which in turn makes her depressed and her self esteem even worse. Now she doesn't think she'll ever be good enough for a boy and buys 12 cats. But you, you still walk out with your $2.50 pack of sharpies that you get for 50% off because she had to call the manager and now she's the crazy cat lady. No this story is not personal I'm just making a long and drawn out point.

Before we open our mouths and say something that might be really mean, maybe we should take a step back and gain some perspective. Before you judge someone by what rumors you may have heard about them, take a chance to get their side of the story. Conflict resolution. Perspective. A beautiful thing. It's a thing I wish more young people knew about. Kids might not bully a peer into depression or suicide if they could gain a different outlook on that persons life. Maybe a friendship could have been saved, or a connection could have been ignited. Again, so many viewpoints come into play. Just some evening thoughts of mine.

Did you know I'm a huge DIYer? Yeah man, I'm totally a craftslady. My current project: A medicine ball. and I must say so far its coming out well.

Supplies I've used & their cost.
-Basketball. $Free.Fifty. Yepp. I did some asking around and my papa had a beat up ball.
       -I checked at Walmart, and a cheap ball was $7.
-Utility knife to cut open the ball. Also free, there's got to be one laying around somewhere.
-Rock salt. I was going to use sand, but my papa also had some of this laying around, so $Free.
       -A bag would likely cost $5.
-Liquid nails. $2 at Walmart.
-Tire patch kit. $2 at Walmart.
-Gorilla tape. This kind is best because of the grip. $5 at Walmart.
-If you feel the need, buy a funnel that has at least a quarter sized opening. Might save you some time and heartache. If you opt out, just buy your choice of booze to take the edge off.

*So all together you're looking at under $25 dollars and under 20 minutes of work for a medicine ball that would cost $70 retail. Sounds like a decent deal to me. Mine ended up weighting 17.5 lbs. Many people who used sand could get up to 25 lbs, but really I don't need a ball that heavy so this worked for me.

Instructions are pretty self explanatory.

-Cut the fucker open with your knife, a hole a little bit bigger than a quarter. Probably so that funnel you bought will fit inside. 

-Put the funnel in the hole, smart ass.

-Next, take the rock salt you stole from your neighbor or sand that you stole from the beach and fill the fucker up. 

-Close the flap and clean the surface with a wet rag. 

-Let that shit air dry then put some Liquid Nails on thur. 

-I guess the patch is likely optional depending on how sturdy you want the hole to be. So if you're choosing to patch, read the back of the kit and follow those instructions that are even shittier than mine. 

-Let the shit air dry again and then tape the fuck out of it. 

Boom. Wall balls for days. 

Next: buy a wall patching kit.

Kidding! Cheers to widening your perspective. 

Oh my belly

I swear, my life revolves around how my belly feels. Like today,  when I rolled out of bed at 230pm, I wanted to hurl myself off of a cliff. I actually would still jump off of it given the chance but I do feel slightly better.

Well last night my best work friend Jess invited me to the HiHo bar to watch the Cardnials whoop the Dodgers ass's (and they did in case you didn't know.) Jess officially adopted me onto the Cards bandwagon since I never really watched baseball. I feel special. She also says this is my boyfriend, I won't argue. 

I came to the conclusion many years ago that I hate beer. After many attempts trying to make myself forcefully like the shit it's never worked out. But Jess thought she had the cure. She thought she knew the answer to my issue. So last night after many Reds Apple Ales I found myself facing her challenge. 

So I started chugging. Busch lite. Better known to me as cat piss. YEAH, I said it. I tried, hard. Chugged lots of beer, to no avail. It still tastes terrible. If I'm going to drink alcohol and have to face the detrimental feelings the next morning, I for damn sure am not going to drink something that has the equivalent of puddle water that has had a dead animal marinating in. Blah blah blah Courtney you're so dramatic. Whatever. Sorry Jess, I love ya, but your challenge failed me. I will be expecting you to try harder next time. ;) 

So in between chugging beers and cheering at the tv, we had a quality conversation. About life, love, traveling, all that mushy stuff. Her and I are the same person. Minus the blonde hair and her love for a ginger. I know right. Totally kidding. Her boytoy is a great guy and I'm totes happy for her. They're gonna make pretty babies dispite the hair bc they both have good genes. OK let's get back on track.

I want to talk about being a human. Can I be real for a second? If we could read each other's minds one hundred percent of the time I can guarantee that we'd all be alone. Why? Because people are not perfect. We all have negative thoughts about one another. People can be annoying, people can disagree, people can have opposite opinions. Simple facts of life. There will often times not be a person that you love everything about. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL IMPERFECT. Are you getting where I'm going? I'll continue. 

All of your thoughts that are negative regarding a person you care about are often shoved to the side. Tucked into the back of your mind or ranted about to your mom. You tolerate certain things, because they don't make or break your relationship. It's only when these feelings raise their ugly head that causes issues. If  everyone always said the first thing that comes to there mind, a lot of people would probably walk around pretty pissed off. Just my opinion. That's why these things are meant to stay within the cavity of your cranium. 

Maybe that makes me a bad friend. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. Maybe I'm just over sensitive. Maybe all of my problems would be solved if I just spoke my freaking mind. Who freaking knows. 

I'm done. But first

HERES JESSICA! So lovely. 

Cheers to holding back. Or not. 

Just sittin here chillin

So I'm sitting here. I just woke up, so I'm chillin on my couch and I think to myself, I'm kind of hungry. Then I think, what did I eat yesterday? My stomach is straight up empty. Like a cave with no bats empty. Shits echoing in there.

I remember now, I woke up late. All I had time for in the am was my butter/oil coffee. No biggie. Kept me going on a super busy work day, until around 1pm. But then I was so uber busy at work, I couldn't eat until around 3. So then I got to eat a skimpy spinach/lettuce salad with guac and tomatoes, mushrooms, and banana peppers. I was hungry again by 5, and I had time so I ran back down and got a small salad and some broccoli. Got home, and by 8 I was ready to get down on some food. I had some leftover butternut goodness so I plated up some of that. So over all, I didn't each much. I didn't eat enough. And this bothers me.

Today, like I said I'm sittin here, and I don't want to eat anything! I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat. WFT! THIS CAN'T BE!

Not normal! Mayday! For reals, I know this is not good, my body is going to go into straight up starvation mode and horde all of these next calories. Lose lose.

But I just have such a negative outlook on food, esp veggies at this point. I don't want to look at em, I don't want to smell them, and I for damn sure don't want them close to my mouth.

And I'm not a failure for it! This detox was a good idea, but I'm going to need to do it when I've had more time to plan my meals so that I won't get burnt out, and that I'll actually have food stocked. Because the only green shit in my fridge is spinach and kale, and I can't go there without barfing at this point.

Realistically, I didn't eat badly to begin with. I eat real food. So, I'll try again soon. Like on payday or something.



CHEERS TO BACON BITCHES

Squashy

I adore most of my class mates. They usually are for the most part, pretty amusing. Between silly questions/comments that show their obvious lack of knowledge (adorable) or questions/comments that show they have humor. Example: On break, a few of us were talking about green veggies, and I start talking about all the stupid broccoli I've eaten today. So my fellow classmate, Kelly, says, "Speaking of farts" (dear god) "I had the best farts ever from this pear I ate the other day. I could have floated away with them bad boys." We all cracked up I still crack up thinking about it.

What does that have to do with anything? Zero. I just think it's hilarious that every time I hear or even think of the word "fart" I chuckle. What a stupid word. 

Anyways. 

So did y'all hear about Chris Pine? Maybe gonna play Christian Grey in the movie? I really have no room to talk about how exciting this is since I haven't read the books, but anything Chris Pine makes me uber... erm... yeah excited.  Who is Chris Pine? Only a super sexy Star Trek nerd. 



I KNOW RIGHT!!! I'm gonna have to hop all over this bandwagon.

So I did something really stupid. I started this "detox" if you will. Basically, there is one simple rule:

-Eat only vegetables that are green or grow ABOVE the ground, for 7 days. 

Now, the doctor that I was reading that did this also used a medical food protein shake 4x per day. Since I can only find ones that have soy protein or rice protein I've decided to omit this and just snack more. 

Today is day one for me and I have a relatively negative outlook on it. I admit that I did feel nauseous upon finishing my salad at lunch. I think it was more a texture issue than taste/effect from the food since I feel better. I don't feel anymore tired than normal- normal being the key word. But I do need to try to have a better attitude. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about drinking today! Only because I've found a new love for hard cider. Good shit. ANYWAY six more days Courtney, stay strong. 

I'm in no way promoting vegetarian diet. If you know me, like know me know me, like I've allowed you to see me feast, you know I'm a straight up carnivore  Bacon, BBQ, steak, come to momma. But after this week I'm strictly doing it to try to heal my gut and learn more about foods I may be sensitive to. Before starting, I know my gut can't handle gluten/other grain proteins, legumes (beans), soy, lactose (dairy) (though I can tolerate a small amount of butter), nor foods/drinks with high amounts of sugar. So this detox should set me up well to be able to do some trial and error. Because I'm a food hacker, yo.


Ending the first day, I feel good. Its just about bed time. So what did I eat you ask? 
Breakfast: cooked spinach and yellow squash (gross) and some bulletproof coffee.
Snack: Few pieces of spinach.
Lunch: Spinach and kale salad with avocado, tomatoes, jalapanos, olive oil, and salt.
Snack: Guac.
Din din: Zucchini noodles (zucchini strips, tomato pastes, spices) cauliflower rice (same thing<-) and some butternut squash cubes with cinnamon butter and coconut oil.

Soooooo yeah. That's it. Not excited about work tomorrow.


Here's Chris Pine again

Yeah, you make me smile, too, Chris.

Cheers to staying strong.

Word up

Hey party people. How's it going?

Don't answer. Or do. Anyways, I've got a lot to say. I can't rant here, yes? Of course I can. It's MY f*cking blog. And I can say that. F*ck. F*@$. Fudge. Blast, I need to stop cursing like a sailor. That's not attractive, right? RIGHT? F*ck it. THATS HOW I FEEL.

What makes me so angry this morning? Well, I'm beginning to realize things I should stop doing. Drinks I should stop drinking. I.E. WHISKEY. Huh? Who cares? GREAT question. Why does it matter so much, you ask? Who cares about a little whiskey? That stuff is gross, Courtney. Ew. Ladies don't drink whiskey. (please insert disgusted look on my face RIGHT THE F*CK HERE)

I love whiskey. Love. That's right. I think I love whiskey more than I have loved any man. Have you heard that song by Jana Kramer? Whiskey is it's name. And no, this is not my sappy way of saying some dude reminds me of whiskey. I'm saying this because I like the song and what is the name of it? Whiskey! Imagine that!

Is this getting annoying yet? I'm annoyed. Is there anything else that's upsetting me, you ask? Why, yes, there is!

Today is about accepting for me. Accepting things that are bad for me. Like:
(you're going to learn that I live in Denial most of the time)

-Getting all worked up about silly things, like choosing not to drink whiskey anymore. If you love it so much, Courtney, why are you giving it up? Well, because I have been in denial for quite some time. I know that, in drinking whiskey, I'm essentially drinking a mixture of mashed up fermented bread blended with water. And sugar. Two things that I preach are terrible for you. Maybe because they are *slaps self in forehead*. Alas! It makes sense now!

-I need to buy a better quality coffee, if I'm going to continue drinking it. Every morning I start off my day with a big ol' mug of Folger's coffee, blended with 2tbs coconut oil and 2tbs grassfed butter. Well, I'm learning that often times many popular brands of ground up coffee is full of mycotoxin spores, or mold. See my issue is, I'm lazy. So buying expensive high quality coffee beans sounds like a lot of work to me. Probably because it's just more work. There I go again getting all worked up. The work is worth it, I accept the challenge. 

-I don't eat nearly enough veggies. But I recently listened to a podcast by Underground Wellness and Dr Andrea Maxim was the guest, and she was talking about detoxes. I plan on writing a whole blog about detoxes and sort of sum up the information provided. Anyways, it's a seven day detox involving eating only green veggies or veggies that grow above the ground. Also she has a food powder that you may choose to drink during the detox, more on this later. Challenge accepted. 

-I crave terrible things that are terrible for me. It's terrible I tell you. You know who some of the most spoiled employees on the planet are in regards to being provided free pastries and donuts? Nurses. This is just my opinion, and not proven, but based on the fact that every time I work there are donuts everywhere. Pumpkin. Flavored. Donut. Holes. Remember how much I like pumpkin spice? Yeah. I eat those donuts. Then 15 minutes later I look 3 months pregnant because of the terrible bloating and I regret it and hate myself. Not a good emotion to have related to eating. Goal: don't freaking give into work donuts. Willpower. Challenge accepted. 

-I don't study enough. Enough said. I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's stupid and annoying and I have better things to do. Like listen to podcasts about things I actually enjoy learning about. I sense a change in career paths in your future, Courtney. Yes I do. But for now I need to study more. Challenge accepted. 

So today is a special day. Aside from all f these challenges and relizations, it is Man Crush Monday. As if I need a day to remind me of my man crushes because, for y'all I definitely don't. But today's addition is *drum roll*.....

Matt Chan. Heeeeellllllloo. He is a Crossfit Games competitor, super funny and sarcastic, and over all one hunk of a man. He stands up in what he believes in and is definitely not afraid to dish out the truth. For proof I'm providing you with a YouTube like that I can't/still don't know how to hyperlink on the blogger app so my apologies. http://youtu.be/udCcLJvZFdc

Watch and enjoy his beauty. Please. I sure wil be.

Here's some more. 

And some more. 

Cheers to challenges. And Matt Chan. ;)

Meaning

Now that I have a new tattoo, I am fully prepared for lots of people to ask that question that will never get old.

"So why did you get that? What does it mean to you?"

After all I did get stopped twice at Trader Joe's yesterday, no biggie I love making new friends and talking to people.

First I'll hit on the bow. I didn't want to get a breast cancer ribbon since it's so popular, so I decided to get a bow that is shaded pink. This is for my grandmother, who fought and survived breast cancer with a double mastectomy. Throughout the whole process, she never let it get her down. She was always optimistic and oddly, kind of joked her way through it. It honestly influenced me a lot on how I handle situations of my own, if you know me very well, you know I laugh inappropriately. Often.

The phrase. Throughout nursing school, and most of my life, I had never known what I wanted to settle on for a career. Even in nursing there are hundreds of options. Oncology? Pediatrics? Hospice? None of them really clicked with me. Until one day, I had found out that a close friend was injured in war. He was in Iraq fighting to protect our country when he had stepped on an IED. He was then stationed in the Wounded Warriors, and had nothing but gratitude towards the individuals who had taken care of him. I, myself, was grateful for the providers who had saved his life. At that moment, I knew what it was I wanted to do.

I wanted to work to protect those who were working to protect not only my, but also my families freedoms.

I typed in my google image search bar: "wounded warriors," and the very first picture my eyes diverted to was this:



My brain went blank.
My jaw dropped.
I became inspired by this man that I did not know. I needed to know more. This is Kyle Hockenberry, a fellow infantryman, that was injured in Afghanistan just like my friend had been. I had never before thought of myself joining the service, but I felt myself wanting nothing more but to protect these soldiers who were trying to protect myself and my family. The two providers in the picture inspire me to learn, to fight, and to protect. Which is exactly what I plan on doing.

This tattoo is a symbol of not only my future, but of my family that I hold so dearly to my heart. When I see this tattoo, it is a daily reminder of why I wake up and go to school. A symbol of why I work so hard. When people ask me about it, I smile, and gladly tell them my plans.



Now I want to talk about the process of getting my tattoo, as well as my aftercare.

Mike Derasmo from Done Right Tattoo was the wonderful man that laid this art upon my back. Sounds dirty. Good. He was great, also extremely handsome. Charming, tatted, CROSSFITTER PALEO EATER, and funny. I'd almost go as far to say my ideal man, but.. He's married. Of course! Oh well, he made the experience a pleasant one. Though it would have been much more pleasant if I wouldn't have been facing away from him the whole time. Sorry I don't have a picture. Sorry I'm going on and on about this.

So yeah. Pain? Not too bad. I'd almost say it was a massaging feeling up near my trap. At least I'll dream that's what it felt like.

I've been using coconut oil for my aftercare.


I kept the plastic on for about three hours (though it wanted to fall off all the way through Trader Joe's) then got home and washed it with one of TJ's non chemically hand soaps, then applied coconut oil. Since then, I've applied a decent amount on it about 3 times a day or more if it gets wiped off by my clothing. Oh and let me restate that, I did not apply it. Unfortunately my arms do not reach that far so I've been dependent on my family to do this for me. Sucks.

BUT it is day 5 and my tattoo is starting to peel. I've tried not to sleep on my back, which is very stressful and hard to do and I have lost a lot of sleep (end rant) but things are going very well. It was not red on the day after (Thursday) and I have been very happy with its healing. Say what? You've never heard of coconut oil on tattoos?

You probably haven't, but coconut oil in fact has many healing properties and is also very moisturizing to the skin, but I'm no expert so if you want to know more I encourage you to read about it here.

While you're at it, check out the amazing list that Wellness Mama's created about 101 Uses For Coconut Oil. This stuff is really great, and I use it for just about everything. Seriously.

Here is a picture that is also very helpful on the benefits of coconut oil




There you have it folks! If you try coconut oil on any of your tattoos, wounds, or anything else, let me know what you think about it! Also, feel free to tell me ABOUT your tattoos and what they mean to you.

Cheers to meaning.

Things I love about Fall + Pumpkin

Summer is officially over. Out with the old, in with the new. Right? Change is good, yes? Help me out here I gotta stay positive. So instead of telling you how great my summer was (because it was pretty freakin' awesome) I'm going to tell you about what I'm looking forward to.

I love summer. More specifically, I love warm. I can always tell when it's fall in the Missouri. How you ask? Let me tell you. You're sweating your ass off all day long because its humid, then BAM 6 o'clock rolls around and you're ready to put on sweats and a hoodie.

How else do I know it's fall?

Yeah buddy. The Southside Fall Festival. Every year, the city of St. Joseph puts on their annual fall festival where local businesses set up shop and sell their goods out of Hyde Park in the south end of town. Since I'm from the south (proudly) its basically like family tradition to go. There also is live music, karaoke, carnival rides (some sketchier than others) and of course, festival food.

Most popular ride in the park.

Look at those faces. So charming. Buy some nuts.

Every kid in the south side has rode this train. No lie.

Wooooooooooo camels!

I'm also looking forward to pumpkin. Yes. Pumpkin.

Did you know that in the fall, all of the best goodies begin to pop up in the shape of pumpkins?

Like.. Reese's. Uh huh. They make those to look like pumpkins. True freaking story.

AND everything seems to have pumpkin spice in it. I aint mad. I'll hop all up on that train. Actually, I'll drive that train. It'll be a blast. Hop on.

Oh man, speaking of trains, how about Hay rides? OMG. So. Pumped.

And haunted houses.


So awesome that Kansas City is full of the best ones.

And that Worlds of Fun is just a hop skip and a jump away.

Why is that so awesome you ask?


And guess who has two thumbs and a SEASON PASS. Yup. I do.

Halloween is my favorite. I need to start thinking of a bad*ss costume.

Costume parties. Who doesn't love that? Dressing up like the slutty version of your favorite childhood princess. How fun. Keep it classy yo.

Trick or treaters. That's cute. All of my little nieces and nephews are just adorable dressed up as fairies and lions. Why can't we dress up in costumes EVERY day? Why? Life would be so much more fun.

Did I mention pumpkin patches? I always pick out the biggest guy in the patch. Yeah the biggest pumpkin. Not a actual guy guy. Gross.



Plus I gotta pick out like 12 of them so I can line them all along my porch. Who doesn't decorate their house for halloween? Losers. That's who. I just dragged all my antique stuff out of the attic today. Gotta do it, man. Get in the spirit. Did I mention I love pumpkins? Because yeah, I do. A lot.

Have I smothered you with pumpkin love yet? How many times have I said pumpkin in this post? Can I have a dollar for every time I've said pumpkin?

Sorry.

Cheers to fall.

What's up, world.

So.

This tattoo is wonderful. 

I mean, it's really great. 

Fun fact about me: I sleep on my back.

But having a fresh back tat, means I have to sleep on my side. 

So I now sleep with 6 pillows instead of my normal four. 

And it's a total clusterf*ck and I can't sleep at night. 

So I'm like, tired. Ok. 

And I have no motivation or energy. Ok. 

THIS IS NOT OK. OK. 

I slept through the parade, and I've been watching The League season 4 all day in which I'm not complaining about because it's a badass show but I haven't moved from this big comfy couch besides to pee and it's a beautiful day and I should be enjoying it.

I have shit to do. 

Get off the couch, Court. 

I gotta go do some shit. 

Workouts to smash. 

People to see. 

Festival food to eat. 

Lives to save. 

What's up, world. 

Cheers y'all. 

Simplicity.

Yep. I just screen shotted that off google. Didn't even bother to clean it up with a crop. Look at me being all rebelish. NEW WORD. Slightly like a rebel. I can dig it.

Do any of us remember what it was like without a cell phone? Computer? Job? Responsibility? Anyone? Me neither. 

I'm currently cruising down the highway with my momma, jamming to some of my favorite tones, and I swear on my life she has gotten 6 phone calls in a matter of 45 minutes. Interrupting every damn song. WTF. 

I just realized, I have every notification turned off on all of my apps besides texts and calls. And I dig that. I don't feel the need to always have someone texting me. That's annoying. 

What do I like? Enjoying my surroundings. Put your phone down and check out the world around you. It's pretty cool. 

So that's what I'm gonna do now k bye. 

JK JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU MY BACK BECAUSE IT'S NEVER GONNA LOOK LIKE THIS AGAIN IM GETTING TATTED YO

Cheers to being simple. 

And tattoos. Whoop. 

Daydream

He begs me to come down, says "girl, quit foolin' around.."

I told him, I love the view from up here,

Warm sun, and wind in my ear

We'll watch the world from above, as we 

This song has been stuck in my head all day.

And I'm thankful for that, because it has kept my thoughts in a happy place.

Stressful work day, full of sick patients and bad news.

I'm extremely grateful for the people who surround me that aim to make me smile.

So short post, I don't have much to say.

My thoughts continue to be in flight.

Cheers to floating.

Letting go.

I have weaknesses. Yes, plural. Many weaknesses. Some people say this makes me human, some people say this makes me weak. I mean, the root word is "weak." Lacking strength in an area of life. Oh boy, that sounds serious.

There seems to be one weakness that is sticking out more than others lately. And quite frankly it's driving me off the deep end.

Holding onto to things that deserve to be let go of.

That's a doozy. Letting go. Moving on. Forgetting. It all sounds so easy.

Yet, it's the hardest thing I've had to deal with to date.

I'm the type of person that feels the need to fix everything. Leave no stone unturned.

This is a large cause of many heartaches and hardships for me. If it's broken, freaking fix it. Especially if its something you love. But how do you know if its not meant to be? If you're supposed to get up and move on with your life?

That's the thing. You don't know. And you may never know if it's worth letting go of, worth never seeing again, then okay. Fine. Move on.

Is it that easy?

Absolutely not.

You remember: people make mistakes. That is something else that makes us weak, and human.

Don't beat yourself over it. Understand it's a part of life.

Letting go and moving on does not have to mean that you are losing something.

You can look at it as a clean slate.

Cutting out a malignancy.

Okay, there's my message for the day.
WOOOOOOOOOO what a wild weekend!
I had clinicals at Truman Medical Center Obstetrics and NICU in the heart of Kansas City and oh boy, I don't even know what to say besides I loved it. The world of "baby" is so foreign to me; holding them, feeding them, knowing what to do when they cry, it is all very overwhelming. But the people I was privileged to work with shined a whole new light on it for me. And pregnant women? Yeah, thats not something I thought I'd enjoy being around either. Wrong. How enlightening, being around people that are bring new life into the world. It's like the unit had it's own glow. Sure, situations aren't always ideal, but these are the mothers that are so grateful for your support. I got to work in the triage portion, so this is the part where we make decisions on whether or not a woman is going into active labor or if she may be having a complication in her pregnancy. Needless to say, we were busy. And I got to learn and see a lot. Some that was normal stages of pregnancy, and some at the opposite end of the spectrum. It was a great experience.

What I didn't do, at all, was workout. From Friday to today, I have not done a workout. But that changes tonight since things have calmed down and my body has recovered. I have this whole week off from school and I get a tattoo on Wednesday, whoop whoop! Plus I just learned that my good friend Tad is working on my forewheeler as we speak, yessssss.

Until next time ladies and gents,

Cheers to letting go.

S-I-N-G-L-E

Sigh.
Forever alone.
Single as a dollar bill.
Free as a bird.
I'm always here when I need me.

What horrid stigmas there are on being single.
Here's a typical convo between a girl and a guy at the bar:

Guy: Hey girl, where's your boyfriend at?

Girl: Um, I don't have a boyfriend. 

Guy: What? How are you single?!

Pause right there. To be fair, this is probably no Prince Charming talking to you, but he does have potential to make you feel like a lonely loser. Next thing you know you're dancing with this d-bag  that pretty much just took a hit at your confidence.  

What do you think of when you say you're "single?"

I've decided to define single in my own words. Decide what it really means to me. I've been single for 3 years. Sure, I've had little flings here and there, but nothing serious. I've learned a lot about myself, and I've also learned a lot about relationships in life in general. I've also never had more fun.

Lets break it down. 


S
Simple. Stable. Sublime. Satisfying.

Things are not complicated. The only man's opinion you have to worry about is your dads, and its still just something to keep in mind. Life should always be simple. One of my major life goals is to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be satisfied with the fact that I am alone. YOU are your strongest foundation; without the ground beneath you being solid, how can you expect anything in your life to be in place? You can't. You have to secure the ground under your own two feet before you can expect someone to stand there with you. Find beauty in being alone, find beauty in the world around you.

I
Independent. Intoxicated. 

I can hear the Lil Boosie song now. I swear I sing it in my head every time I spell the word. I-N-D-E-P- ok sorry I'll get to the point. Independence. If I could choose one feeling I think so many people miss out on in life, it'd be this one. So many people view being single as a flaw, or as "missing a piece of themselves," and then end up in relationships where they depend completely on others to make them happy. Loneliness does not coincide with being alone. I challenge you, don't let someone do something for you that you can't do yourself. Unless its like swapping out your engine to your car or something.  But really. 

Okay. Intoxication. This is not pointing directly towards alcohol but it is sorta. Uh hello, I'm 21. Just being real. ANYWAYS. Who doesn't want to party in their 20's. Being social is what being young is all about. Going out to parties and to the bars. Dancing the night away. Making friends and memories you'll never forget. Not having to worry about where you'll end up at the end of the night. Emphasis: fun and safety. Of course you should always know your limits and not do shady sh*t. Use protection. Thats my disclaimer. Live it up party people.

N
Nostalgic.

Okay. Lets be real again, there are going to be times where you want to feel affection from someone. Dudes, you can skip N and head right on to G if you'd like because we're about to get emotional up in this piece. Be it a rainy day, that song that always reminds you of the boy (or girl if you fellas are still with me) that got away. Let me make this clear: ITS OKAY TO BE NEEDY ONCE IN AWHILE. It's totally human to want human contact. But before you hit up that ex boy/girlfriend and talk about all the good times you had, take a second to think about why y'all aren't together anymore. Think about all the times they pissed you off and made you want to egg their car. Feel better? Me too. No drunk texting either, that's messy. Buy a dog. Let's move on.

G
Gainful. Guiltless.

There is so much potential in having all the time in the world on your hands. Well minus school and work and all of that stuff. It gives you plenty of time to think, trust me. You can reflect, and on the other hand you can also make goals. With time, you can also reach those goals. Does this go back to satisfaction and independence? Absolutely. You are strong. You are smart. You can accomplish anything you want. Go anywhere you want. And not have to feel guilty about it. Ah, how amazing it is to be worry free. Not worrying about having someone monitoring your every move. I look at life like a giant ball of clay; there are millions of different ways to mold it before it sets. Don't wait until it dries to decide you want to change.

L
Lax. Leisurely.

Okay, yeah, these words both mean basically the same thing. You get my point though. Things aren't rushed, you're allowed to be who you want to be. No judgement. No expectations. Jam out to Brittany Spears in the car if you want. Who cares. This isn't a complicated factor and doesn't need a lot of explanation. Just do what you want, stop worry about control. Breathe in, breathe out.

E
Exciting. Empowering. 

This is supposed to be a happy, exciting time in your life. Not some gloomy scene where you're all alone crying on your death bed. Feel empowered. Feel in control of your life. You make all master decisions. You are the one with the pen, write your manual how you want it. It's time to figure out what you really want out of life. OR NOT. Who says you have to? No one. Hell, if you want, you don't have to think about anything. Let your hair down. Stop and smell those damn roses everyone is always talking about, put one of those bitches behind your ear. You're beautiful, in every way. Be passionate. Fall in love with yourself. Give yourself all the time you need.

Never freaking settle. Know what you deserve. Don't look twice until you find it.




There are plenty of fish out there, but first you have to explore the sea.



One day, maybe I'll post about finding love. For now, I'm happy being single. I'm learning new things that I love doing, I'm learning all kinds of things that I hate doing, and I'm finding a whole new respect for myself I never thought I'd have. I'm also having the time of my life. Strangely looking forward to a future that is so blurry. Creating a new definition of happiness, day after day.


"A man without a woman is a bachelor. I woman without a man is a genius."

OKAY as I promised I have to update about Momma Crossfitters 30 day challenge. Phew its been a long day. Last night I did day 2 (19:48 time), and today I did day 3 (24:35 time).

I only can say one thing: squats, squats, squats squats, squats. Oh and burpees *belch*
If you wanna check it out, do so here, and hey, play alone why don't ya!



I'd like to know your views about being single. Post in the comments below!


Until next time, Courtney.