Meaning

Now that I have a new tattoo, I am fully prepared for lots of people to ask that question that will never get old.

"So why did you get that? What does it mean to you?"

After all I did get stopped twice at Trader Joe's yesterday, no biggie I love making new friends and talking to people.

First I'll hit on the bow. I didn't want to get a breast cancer ribbon since it's so popular, so I decided to get a bow that is shaded pink. This is for my grandmother, who fought and survived breast cancer with a double mastectomy. Throughout the whole process, she never let it get her down. She was always optimistic and oddly, kind of joked her way through it. It honestly influenced me a lot on how I handle situations of my own, if you know me very well, you know I laugh inappropriately. Often.

The phrase. Throughout nursing school, and most of my life, I had never known what I wanted to settle on for a career. Even in nursing there are hundreds of options. Oncology? Pediatrics? Hospice? None of them really clicked with me. Until one day, I had found out that a close friend was injured in war. He was in Iraq fighting to protect our country when he had stepped on an IED. He was then stationed in the Wounded Warriors, and had nothing but gratitude towards the individuals who had taken care of him. I, myself, was grateful for the providers who had saved his life. At that moment, I knew what it was I wanted to do.

I wanted to work to protect those who were working to protect not only my, but also my families freedoms.

I typed in my google image search bar: "wounded warriors," and the very first picture my eyes diverted to was this:



My brain went blank.
My jaw dropped.
I became inspired by this man that I did not know. I needed to know more. This is Kyle Hockenberry, a fellow infantryman, that was injured in Afghanistan just like my friend had been. I had never before thought of myself joining the service, but I felt myself wanting nothing more but to protect these soldiers who were trying to protect myself and my family. The two providers in the picture inspire me to learn, to fight, and to protect. Which is exactly what I plan on doing.

This tattoo is a symbol of not only my future, but of my family that I hold so dearly to my heart. When I see this tattoo, it is a daily reminder of why I wake up and go to school. A symbol of why I work so hard. When people ask me about it, I smile, and gladly tell them my plans.



Now I want to talk about the process of getting my tattoo, as well as my aftercare.

Mike Derasmo from Done Right Tattoo was the wonderful man that laid this art upon my back. Sounds dirty. Good. He was great, also extremely handsome. Charming, tatted, CROSSFITTER PALEO EATER, and funny. I'd almost go as far to say my ideal man, but.. He's married. Of course! Oh well, he made the experience a pleasant one. Though it would have been much more pleasant if I wouldn't have been facing away from him the whole time. Sorry I don't have a picture. Sorry I'm going on and on about this.

So yeah. Pain? Not too bad. I'd almost say it was a massaging feeling up near my trap. At least I'll dream that's what it felt like.

I've been using coconut oil for my aftercare.


I kept the plastic on for about three hours (though it wanted to fall off all the way through Trader Joe's) then got home and washed it with one of TJ's non chemically hand soaps, then applied coconut oil. Since then, I've applied a decent amount on it about 3 times a day or more if it gets wiped off by my clothing. Oh and let me restate that, I did not apply it. Unfortunately my arms do not reach that far so I've been dependent on my family to do this for me. Sucks.

BUT it is day 5 and my tattoo is starting to peel. I've tried not to sleep on my back, which is very stressful and hard to do and I have lost a lot of sleep (end rant) but things are going very well. It was not red on the day after (Thursday) and I have been very happy with its healing. Say what? You've never heard of coconut oil on tattoos?

You probably haven't, but coconut oil in fact has many healing properties and is also very moisturizing to the skin, but I'm no expert so if you want to know more I encourage you to read about it here.

While you're at it, check out the amazing list that Wellness Mama's created about 101 Uses For Coconut Oil. This stuff is really great, and I use it for just about everything. Seriously.

Here is a picture that is also very helpful on the benefits of coconut oil




There you have it folks! If you try coconut oil on any of your tattoos, wounds, or anything else, let me know what you think about it! Also, feel free to tell me ABOUT your tattoos and what they mean to you.

Cheers to meaning.

Things I love about Fall + Pumpkin

Summer is officially over. Out with the old, in with the new. Right? Change is good, yes? Help me out here I gotta stay positive. So instead of telling you how great my summer was (because it was pretty freakin' awesome) I'm going to tell you about what I'm looking forward to.

I love summer. More specifically, I love warm. I can always tell when it's fall in the Missouri. How you ask? Let me tell you. You're sweating your ass off all day long because its humid, then BAM 6 o'clock rolls around and you're ready to put on sweats and a hoodie.

How else do I know it's fall?

Yeah buddy. The Southside Fall Festival. Every year, the city of St. Joseph puts on their annual fall festival where local businesses set up shop and sell their goods out of Hyde Park in the south end of town. Since I'm from the south (proudly) its basically like family tradition to go. There also is live music, karaoke, carnival rides (some sketchier than others) and of course, festival food.

Most popular ride in the park.

Look at those faces. So charming. Buy some nuts.

Every kid in the south side has rode this train. No lie.

Wooooooooooo camels!

I'm also looking forward to pumpkin. Yes. Pumpkin.

Did you know that in the fall, all of the best goodies begin to pop up in the shape of pumpkins?

Like.. Reese's. Uh huh. They make those to look like pumpkins. True freaking story.

AND everything seems to have pumpkin spice in it. I aint mad. I'll hop all up on that train. Actually, I'll drive that train. It'll be a blast. Hop on.

Oh man, speaking of trains, how about Hay rides? OMG. So. Pumped.

And haunted houses.


So awesome that Kansas City is full of the best ones.

And that Worlds of Fun is just a hop skip and a jump away.

Why is that so awesome you ask?


And guess who has two thumbs and a SEASON PASS. Yup. I do.

Halloween is my favorite. I need to start thinking of a bad*ss costume.

Costume parties. Who doesn't love that? Dressing up like the slutty version of your favorite childhood princess. How fun. Keep it classy yo.

Trick or treaters. That's cute. All of my little nieces and nephews are just adorable dressed up as fairies and lions. Why can't we dress up in costumes EVERY day? Why? Life would be so much more fun.

Did I mention pumpkin patches? I always pick out the biggest guy in the patch. Yeah the biggest pumpkin. Not a actual guy guy. Gross.



Plus I gotta pick out like 12 of them so I can line them all along my porch. Who doesn't decorate their house for halloween? Losers. That's who. I just dragged all my antique stuff out of the attic today. Gotta do it, man. Get in the spirit. Did I mention I love pumpkins? Because yeah, I do. A lot.

Have I smothered you with pumpkin love yet? How many times have I said pumpkin in this post? Can I have a dollar for every time I've said pumpkin?

Sorry.

Cheers to fall.

What's up, world.

So.

This tattoo is wonderful. 

I mean, it's really great. 

Fun fact about me: I sleep on my back.

But having a fresh back tat, means I have to sleep on my side. 

So I now sleep with 6 pillows instead of my normal four. 

And it's a total clusterf*ck and I can't sleep at night. 

So I'm like, tired. Ok. 

And I have no motivation or energy. Ok. 

THIS IS NOT OK. OK. 

I slept through the parade, and I've been watching The League season 4 all day in which I'm not complaining about because it's a badass show but I haven't moved from this big comfy couch besides to pee and it's a beautiful day and I should be enjoying it.

I have shit to do. 

Get off the couch, Court. 

I gotta go do some shit. 

Workouts to smash. 

People to see. 

Festival food to eat. 

Lives to save. 

What's up, world. 

Cheers y'all. 

Simplicity.

Yep. I just screen shotted that off google. Didn't even bother to clean it up with a crop. Look at me being all rebelish. NEW WORD. Slightly like a rebel. I can dig it.

Do any of us remember what it was like without a cell phone? Computer? Job? Responsibility? Anyone? Me neither. 

I'm currently cruising down the highway with my momma, jamming to some of my favorite tones, and I swear on my life she has gotten 6 phone calls in a matter of 45 minutes. Interrupting every damn song. WTF. 

I just realized, I have every notification turned off on all of my apps besides texts and calls. And I dig that. I don't feel the need to always have someone texting me. That's annoying. 

What do I like? Enjoying my surroundings. Put your phone down and check out the world around you. It's pretty cool. 

So that's what I'm gonna do now k bye. 

JK JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU MY BACK BECAUSE IT'S NEVER GONNA LOOK LIKE THIS AGAIN IM GETTING TATTED YO

Cheers to being simple. 

And tattoos. Whoop. 

Daydream

He begs me to come down, says "girl, quit foolin' around.."

I told him, I love the view from up here,

Warm sun, and wind in my ear

We'll watch the world from above, as we 

This song has been stuck in my head all day.

And I'm thankful for that, because it has kept my thoughts in a happy place.

Stressful work day, full of sick patients and bad news.

I'm extremely grateful for the people who surround me that aim to make me smile.

So short post, I don't have much to say.

My thoughts continue to be in flight.

Cheers to floating.

Letting go.

I have weaknesses. Yes, plural. Many weaknesses. Some people say this makes me human, some people say this makes me weak. I mean, the root word is "weak." Lacking strength in an area of life. Oh boy, that sounds serious.

There seems to be one weakness that is sticking out more than others lately. And quite frankly it's driving me off the deep end.

Holding onto to things that deserve to be let go of.

That's a doozy. Letting go. Moving on. Forgetting. It all sounds so easy.

Yet, it's the hardest thing I've had to deal with to date.

I'm the type of person that feels the need to fix everything. Leave no stone unturned.

This is a large cause of many heartaches and hardships for me. If it's broken, freaking fix it. Especially if its something you love. But how do you know if its not meant to be? If you're supposed to get up and move on with your life?

That's the thing. You don't know. And you may never know if it's worth letting go of, worth never seeing again, then okay. Fine. Move on.

Is it that easy?

Absolutely not.

You remember: people make mistakes. That is something else that makes us weak, and human.

Don't beat yourself over it. Understand it's a part of life.

Letting go and moving on does not have to mean that you are losing something.

You can look at it as a clean slate.

Cutting out a malignancy.

Okay, there's my message for the day.
WOOOOOOOOOO what a wild weekend!
I had clinicals at Truman Medical Center Obstetrics and NICU in the heart of Kansas City and oh boy, I don't even know what to say besides I loved it. The world of "baby" is so foreign to me; holding them, feeding them, knowing what to do when they cry, it is all very overwhelming. But the people I was privileged to work with shined a whole new light on it for me. And pregnant women? Yeah, thats not something I thought I'd enjoy being around either. Wrong. How enlightening, being around people that are bring new life into the world. It's like the unit had it's own glow. Sure, situations aren't always ideal, but these are the mothers that are so grateful for your support. I got to work in the triage portion, so this is the part where we make decisions on whether or not a woman is going into active labor or if she may be having a complication in her pregnancy. Needless to say, we were busy. And I got to learn and see a lot. Some that was normal stages of pregnancy, and some at the opposite end of the spectrum. It was a great experience.

What I didn't do, at all, was workout. From Friday to today, I have not done a workout. But that changes tonight since things have calmed down and my body has recovered. I have this whole week off from school and I get a tattoo on Wednesday, whoop whoop! Plus I just learned that my good friend Tad is working on my forewheeler as we speak, yessssss.

Until next time ladies and gents,

Cheers to letting go.

S-I-N-G-L-E

Sigh.
Forever alone.
Single as a dollar bill.
Free as a bird.
I'm always here when I need me.

What horrid stigmas there are on being single.
Here's a typical convo between a girl and a guy at the bar:

Guy: Hey girl, where's your boyfriend at?

Girl: Um, I don't have a boyfriend. 

Guy: What? How are you single?!

Pause right there. To be fair, this is probably no Prince Charming talking to you, but he does have potential to make you feel like a lonely loser. Next thing you know you're dancing with this d-bag  that pretty much just took a hit at your confidence.  

What do you think of when you say you're "single?"

I've decided to define single in my own words. Decide what it really means to me. I've been single for 3 years. Sure, I've had little flings here and there, but nothing serious. I've learned a lot about myself, and I've also learned a lot about relationships in life in general. I've also never had more fun.

Lets break it down. 


S
Simple. Stable. Sublime. Satisfying.

Things are not complicated. The only man's opinion you have to worry about is your dads, and its still just something to keep in mind. Life should always be simple. One of my major life goals is to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be satisfied with the fact that I am alone. YOU are your strongest foundation; without the ground beneath you being solid, how can you expect anything in your life to be in place? You can't. You have to secure the ground under your own two feet before you can expect someone to stand there with you. Find beauty in being alone, find beauty in the world around you.

I
Independent. Intoxicated. 

I can hear the Lil Boosie song now. I swear I sing it in my head every time I spell the word. I-N-D-E-P- ok sorry I'll get to the point. Independence. If I could choose one feeling I think so many people miss out on in life, it'd be this one. So many people view being single as a flaw, or as "missing a piece of themselves," and then end up in relationships where they depend completely on others to make them happy. Loneliness does not coincide with being alone. I challenge you, don't let someone do something for you that you can't do yourself. Unless its like swapping out your engine to your car or something.  But really. 

Okay. Intoxication. This is not pointing directly towards alcohol but it is sorta. Uh hello, I'm 21. Just being real. ANYWAYS. Who doesn't want to party in their 20's. Being social is what being young is all about. Going out to parties and to the bars. Dancing the night away. Making friends and memories you'll never forget. Not having to worry about where you'll end up at the end of the night. Emphasis: fun and safety. Of course you should always know your limits and not do shady sh*t. Use protection. Thats my disclaimer. Live it up party people.

N
Nostalgic.

Okay. Lets be real again, there are going to be times where you want to feel affection from someone. Dudes, you can skip N and head right on to G if you'd like because we're about to get emotional up in this piece. Be it a rainy day, that song that always reminds you of the boy (or girl if you fellas are still with me) that got away. Let me make this clear: ITS OKAY TO BE NEEDY ONCE IN AWHILE. It's totally human to want human contact. But before you hit up that ex boy/girlfriend and talk about all the good times you had, take a second to think about why y'all aren't together anymore. Think about all the times they pissed you off and made you want to egg their car. Feel better? Me too. No drunk texting either, that's messy. Buy a dog. Let's move on.

G
Gainful. Guiltless.

There is so much potential in having all the time in the world on your hands. Well minus school and work and all of that stuff. It gives you plenty of time to think, trust me. You can reflect, and on the other hand you can also make goals. With time, you can also reach those goals. Does this go back to satisfaction and independence? Absolutely. You are strong. You are smart. You can accomplish anything you want. Go anywhere you want. And not have to feel guilty about it. Ah, how amazing it is to be worry free. Not worrying about having someone monitoring your every move. I look at life like a giant ball of clay; there are millions of different ways to mold it before it sets. Don't wait until it dries to decide you want to change.

L
Lax. Leisurely.

Okay, yeah, these words both mean basically the same thing. You get my point though. Things aren't rushed, you're allowed to be who you want to be. No judgement. No expectations. Jam out to Brittany Spears in the car if you want. Who cares. This isn't a complicated factor and doesn't need a lot of explanation. Just do what you want, stop worry about control. Breathe in, breathe out.

E
Exciting. Empowering. 

This is supposed to be a happy, exciting time in your life. Not some gloomy scene where you're all alone crying on your death bed. Feel empowered. Feel in control of your life. You make all master decisions. You are the one with the pen, write your manual how you want it. It's time to figure out what you really want out of life. OR NOT. Who says you have to? No one. Hell, if you want, you don't have to think about anything. Let your hair down. Stop and smell those damn roses everyone is always talking about, put one of those bitches behind your ear. You're beautiful, in every way. Be passionate. Fall in love with yourself. Give yourself all the time you need.

Never freaking settle. Know what you deserve. Don't look twice until you find it.




There are plenty of fish out there, but first you have to explore the sea.



One day, maybe I'll post about finding love. For now, I'm happy being single. I'm learning new things that I love doing, I'm learning all kinds of things that I hate doing, and I'm finding a whole new respect for myself I never thought I'd have. I'm also having the time of my life. Strangely looking forward to a future that is so blurry. Creating a new definition of happiness, day after day.


"A man without a woman is a bachelor. I woman without a man is a genius."

OKAY as I promised I have to update about Momma Crossfitters 30 day challenge. Phew its been a long day. Last night I did day 2 (19:48 time), and today I did day 3 (24:35 time).

I only can say one thing: squats, squats, squats squats, squats. Oh and burpees *belch*
If you wanna check it out, do so here, and hey, play alone why don't ya!



I'd like to know your views about being single. Post in the comments below!


Until next time, Courtney.

Wanna know what I royally suck at?

Running.

And no, I'm not talking about the kind of running like you do from your problems. I'm good at that.

Running running. Like for fun. Or for health. I know, it's dumb. I've always hated it. And really sucked at it.

Can we talk about motivational pictures?

 

I don't know who created this, but they're crazy. Straight up. These pictures in no way shape or form make me wanna run. Like at all.

I hate panting for a breath. And that stingy feeling I get on my side after so long.

When we had to run for a grade in school, I'd totally cheat. Cut corners. Skip laps. They never knew. Or maybe they did. Whatever I passed.

I know what does make me wanna run, though.



Senior pics, 2010

Bad pictures of myself.

Ew.

You know. The ones that make you look like you have 12 chins. Or hips as wide as Texas. Been there, done that, too, many, times.

About three years ago, I had a very rude awakening. AKA looked in the mirror.

I'd previously been in a relationship for awhile, and ate fast food regiously. But finally, I was single. And boy was I ready to mingle.

"Do I really look like that?" I can remember saying when I seen pictures of myself.

I knew it was time to change.

Then, I found Crossfit.
 

It's only appropriate that Camille Leblanc-Bazinet reps my love for the sport.

She's a total badass. Totally chic. Super gorgeous. And wicked strong.
(plus she's Canadian and I'm a sucker for those accents.)

ANYWAYS

Crossfit- Whoa. I loved it. Workouts were different EVERY time, I got to olympic lift (I competed when I was 12) and it was crazy fun. Not to mention the hotties.

I had found a new sport. And I also found out that there were actual competitions.

Say no more. I began working out excessively. Joined all kinds of twitter groups, made a sh*t ton of friends, and even got to meet some of them at the 2012 Crossfit North Central Regionals in Chicago. Talk about motivating.


At the regional with some of the amazing people from CF Omaha

When I got home, I created so many unrealistic goals for myself that a short few months later I found myself quitting crossfit and staring face to face with an eating disorder.

Not cool.

A little over a year later, its still been a struggle getting back in the groove. I gained a lot of my weight back, and have even worse self esteem issues.

But yesterday, I started something new, and decided I'd track my progress here. 

WOD 1 from Mamma Crossfit 30 day challenge Check it out here 

It was:

4 ROUNDS

Run/walk 400 meters

15 Squats

10 Pushups

20 KB swings 35#

26:45

See, I told you I suck at running. Takes me forever. I'm like a damn turtle.

Touche Mamma Crossfit.

Today, I'm a tiny bit sore, but I'm excited to continue working hard.

Thank goodness there's no more running this week. But there is a billion burpees. Awesome.

No I mean it, I love burpees. Ok well I don't hate them.



You heard him.

I get to spend my day bored at work. So I will be working on this damn blog, because it's overriding my brain on allowing me to do anything else.

Cheers to running.

Sadness

Today, I'm posting about finding happiness.

And no, I'm not going to start every post that way. I'm annoyed by it, but for this message I feel its necessary.


On my way to school this morning, Jason Mraz- I'm Yours started blaring through my speakers.

It really got me thinking about the road to happiness.

Making the best out of a situation.

Don't hesitate. Let love in. No need to complicate.

Open up your plans and damn you're free.




I've spent a lot of time being lazy. Making excuses. Hiding from my problems.

So instead of opting for the easy way out, I'm going to opt for change.

In my way of thinking.
In my approach to difficult situations.
In making dark thoughts brighter.

Here is one of my favorite quotes by Steve Jobs:

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

I have had way too many "no's" recently, so I am determined to make a change.

For a start, I'm going to do Momma Crossfit's 30 Day Challenge (http://mommacrossfitter.blogspot.com/2013/05/30-day-at-home-crossfit-challenge.html) since body image and self esteem is a huge issue for me. Huge. Word play. Whatev. I've dealt with many hardships in my love for crossfit, I'll tell ya about it one day.



I just love this.


I'm also going to listen to happier music. No more gloomy sad country songs.


And I'm convinced that by the time school is over I'll have a DVT if I don't get off my ass.


Hopefully everyday I'll have a positive change and a WOD along with it.



Cheers to change, friends.

Happiness

Today, I'm talking about sadness. 

You know.

Loneliness.
Emptiness. 
Seeming defeated.
Feeling hopeless.
Praying to be out of your mind for just a second.
Hitting a breaking point.


If you know anything about me, which of course I'm sure you don't, you'd know that I'm extremely stubborn.

I hate admitting I'm wrong, or that I'm doing anything wrong for that matter. 

I also know too much of psychology, and how to apply EVERY negative coping mechanism know to man.

I'm very intelligent, also very stupid.

I know what I need to do to fix my problems, but I back out because there are "easier" ways.
Easier to pick up a bottle and forget.
Rationalize that it'll be better tomorrow.
It can't rain forever.
Right?
Finding happiness is a treacherous, windy, rocky road.

One day at a time.

Yes, I had to add some humor. I'm dark and twisted, I know. I love sharks.

I'm short on time.
Cheers to my first post.